I'll be the light to guide you.

Sorry i didn't update my blog yesterday but i was too tired. I slept

as soon as i reached home. Sunday (28/11), went to Scape's lan w

ernest and played from 11pm+ till 4am+. We had our breakfast at

mac and we chatted because we were killing time while waiting

for the first bus home until Don called me and asked whether we

wanted to go to the lan at paya lebar. So ernest and i took the mrt

to dhouby ghaut and met Don there while we then headed to P.L

together. We reached P.L at about 7am+ and we headed to the

lan. The lan was damn cheap but it doesn't lag and the computer's

graphic was great. We played lan from 7am+ all the way until

7pm+. AT 9am, we accompanied Don to have his breakfast and

continued playing lan while Don had to get to his uncle's house

and come back to meet us again later. Don came back at 3pm+

and bought me a shrooms burger. LOL he said "I don't starve

my brother de." Touched, hahah lol. Ok anyway, Ernest was

sleeping in the lan, lol. Epic. Ernest and I cabbed back to my aunt

house, reached @ about 9pm+ and i went to bed and headed to

dreamland. Don's coming to find me later in the afternoon i

guess, that's what he said. Ernest is still sleeping.....................pig.

The day i thought i'd never get through, i got over it.

Second post for the day. I just woke up from my nap not long ago. :)

I just wanna tell everyone out there who thinks that no one cares for

them that they're wrong. There'll always be some people that truly

care for you, you just gotta open your eyes. :) Forget about people

who doesn't care for you as much as you care for them. You definitely

don't deserve it. If you cared but people doesn't appreciate it then

that is their loss. So yeah, remember that there'll always be people

that cares for you !

I'm going Scape with Ernest later to play lan, i don't really feel like

going though ._. Nevermind, bye readers ! :) Shall post again soon.

Then something better came along.

HAHAH this picture is damn cute. LOL im so bored now, FML. :(

I'm so hot too, but imma go bathe soon ! :) Uhm, woke up around

9am+ yesterday. Prepared and stuff and met Arynna, Shaoming,

and Marcus at fairprice. Bought stuffs for the picnic and went to

Juliana's house to cook. Then went to marina barrage for picnic.

We then headed to orchard to meet Yingning there afterwards. :)

Had our dinner at kopitiam and Yingning bought cake for marc

and i. LOL birthday song epic fail, i was sleeping when they were

singing cus i didn't slept for 2 days. What to do. After eating, we

went to watch Harry Potter @ 7:30pm. The show wasn't that

bad. Happend to saw Jervin there too, he said he was sleeping

throughout the movie. Took 106 home after that, woah i was damn

tired. Can even sleep while standing up, pro right. I know. :B

Btw, thanks Yingning, Arynna, Shaoming and Marcus for ytd !!

AND to Don who wished me happy birthday again mins before

my birthday ended !! :D WAH damn honoured. Hahah, :)

And i said a little prayer.

Hey readers, i've finally turned 14. :) I shall not post anything emo today.

And i won't let any dumbfucks ruin cutexdd96's mood today yo. Suckers.

Hehehe, well i'd like to thank everyone who had gave me birthday wishes.

Special thanks to Yingning and Juliana who also encouraged me. And to

Alex and Don. :) Cutexdd96 is going out later so i'll post again later when

i'm back. ;) For now, try not to miss me so much alright. Heheh -shy- leh.

The memories I once held closest are the ones I now genuinely wish I

could scrape away at every piece that remained in my mind until

they were completely obliterated. If memories lasts forever, i am

sincerely fucked for eternity. Thanks so much for destroying me.

It hurts so much, you might as well kill me.

You've changed...you weren't the you which i onced knew. Your

attitude totally changed. Guess all of this was my fault because i

gave you shit attitude. Now, you don't seem to care anymore. I

feel really lost and upset, i don't know what i should do already.

I thought everything was real, well then i thought wrong. All

was just a dream. I just want to find someone who could be there

for me when i need them. And someone who would be patient

towards me. Im like any other human being that wishes to be

cared for... I've been searching for acceptance. Do you know the

pain of knowing someone you thought who'd stand by you no

matter what leaves you ? So much for everything i did for you.

I promised that you got my back and you also promised the

same but i know holding on has no more purpose already. I've

seen through you. Yeah and i totally understand how i could

lose to this girl, really. Have you ever considered how i'd feel?

Guess you never did, you never let anyone close enough too,

guess the closest was Jiawei ? I gave you everything i had, do

you know ? I really thought that we have each other's back

no matter what happens... I cared, did you ? Was it a lesson

to make me understand that we can never rely on anyone

in this world ? I hope karma haunts you down man, that one

day you'll experience the pain i'm going through, it's hell.

Did you forget about us ? About how much fun we had...?...

Am i really that easy to forget ? :( Why do you seem to be

able to move on so easily w/o me while i'm here thinking

about our past ? I need you man, come back please ? :( ....

Or are you gonna hate me & forget me like how everyone

does ? ....

I see sunset in your eyes, you're letting go.

I told myself to be happy, i was happy for awhile and then i'm back to

sqaure one again. I also don't wanna blog so much anymore. You got

the best of me, it was my fault. It doesn't matter anymore, as long as

you're happy, it's fine with me. 我恨自己，假装不在意，却痛了自己。

And i'm on my way to believing.

Well today, i don't feel like blogging about how life sucks and how

life always kicks my ass. :) Today, i just want to be happy and be

free from all the unhappiness. I don't want to be paranoid and

keep thinking about those what if(s) and stuff. Just for today, i

want to feel happy and not think too much. :) If anything bad

happens, i'll go with it because things happen for a good reason.

We may not see it at first but we'll surely understand after

some time. I don't know why i'm being so optimistic today leh.

I feel so light now, suddenly. HAHA i feel so cheerful man. Feels

good. LOL anyway, i hope everything turns out fine for me.

And of course, my readers and friends out there too. ;) My bird

day's in 3 more days yo, but i'm not really excited about it like

how i was last time. /: Nevermind, hahah dang i'm so hungry

right now. If some of you haven't noticed it yet, i've changed my

blog song, glee's version. Had nostalgia while listening to that

music. LOL hmmm i'll be having my breakfast soon so yup

i guess i should stop writing here ! See ya, don't miss me too

much alright ?! HAHAH i will be shy you know. ;) Bleagh.

We used to be.

I hate how i am now, i hate feeling so vulnerable. I'm trying to

pretend like i don't care because you seem like you doesn't

care too. Really, i feel so physically and mentally drained. I

really don't know what i should do already. I really tried my

best to tell you that i am different. That you got my back.

But, i don't know...you seem like you don't give a rat's ass

about it. You just acts as if you don't need anyone, and as if

you're better off alone. I gave you my all, cared so much for

you. Do you know how much it fucking hurts to see that

you doesn't care ? I promised you that you'll always have

my back but do something. I feel as if i'm all alone....

I've realised that you never really let me into your life, you

just lead me to your entrance and make me find the way in

when all the doors are locked. I've tried breaking them but

i can't and i'm tired of trying. When i sit back and look at the

door, i realised i never really knew you because you never

care much to share. I wish i knew you inside out, but you

never let me have the chance to...

What hurts the most was being so close.

I needed you today, so where did you go ?

High above the chimney tops.

Yesterday 12/11/2010, woke up at 4:30am. Couldn't go back to sleep so

i went to turned on the television. Met alex at Tradehub21 to pass him

a pair of black shoes while he passed to me my laptop. Went back home

while waiting for alex's work to end. Cabbed to boonlay market w alex

and ernest at about 3pm+. Played lan with alex all the way till 11pm++.

Ernest left at 6pm+ and Alex and I had our dinner at around 7pm+

before we continue playing blackshot in the lan. Took 99 home with alex.

I'm kinda tired now so i guess i'll be sleeping soon. (: Goodnight !

Now i'm picking up all the pieces.

.
.

You open your heart to someone, told them everything. Treated them

as a part of you but they feed you with bullshit. Sometimes, it's best if

we don't open our hearts to anyone at all, so whatever they say or do

wouldn't hurt us. I guess that's why some people build walls around em

to protect themselves from being hurt. I used to think that if i treated

people like how i wanted to be treated, i will. But i was wrong, i guess.

Maybe because this is what the world really is. They just use you to

get what they want. I also don't believe in karma anymore, i did good

things but bad things still happen to me anyway. I'm really very tired

inside out. I am tired of pretending that everything's alright even

though it's not. I'm tired of chasing people, begging them not to leave.

I'm tired of not being able to sleep at night, turning over and over.

I wish i would just disappear somehow or get hit by something real

hard so that i would forget all the bad memories. Well, i don't want

to crap so much. No one listens anyway. G.o.o.d.b.y.e.

You left me stannding in the cold alone.

Words are somehow like bullets and sometimes, they can kill people.

Today, i've been killed by a bullet. I feel like i don't know you at all....

I feel so stupid. It's like all these while....i really don't know what else

to say already.. You sounded as though im a pain in the ass, and as

though that you were forcing yourself to sms me all this while. But

you win, i won't bother you this time if it's what you want. I'm really

upset. You left a hole in my heart. Enough said, i'll stop writing here.

Like a lightning bold, your heart will glow.

I've changed my blog song ! :) I love this song so much, it has

so much meaning in it and I like this song the best than any

other songs sang by Katy Perry. Well okay, so i've decided to

upload some pictures from tumblr to share with you guys :D

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HAHAH LOL. TRUE. :D Using fire in the water ?

What the hell. LMAO. Oh well ~
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I love this, so true. :) I couldn't agree more. We should start

being less insane on things and start loving people more !

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Cabbed to boon lay with alex on friday @ 2am+ in the morning to a lan

beside boon lay market and played blackshot for 8 hours. Played till Saturday

@ about 11am. Took 99 and went to my house and alex continued

playing blackshot but it was a little laggy though. :X Alex slept at about

3pm so i used the laptop. He woke up at 7pm and i went and took a

bathe before i accompanied him to wait for a cab below my house. I

woke up at about 10am today, i'm so bored at home ! D: Alex, faster

wake up and lend me your laptop. TYVM. :) LOL

The sky's the limit.

I wish i could do this. Well, today has been a boring day for me. /:

Woke up at 3pm++ and had lunch at home. Ernest left my house

at around 5pm and i continued watching the televison all the way

until 10pm++. I can't sleep now.... I'm going Sentosa with grace,

jh and co tmrw again to play vb. :)

I always stay up at night, wondering why i was here in the first

place. There's so many things i wanna say, so many things that

is troubling me right now. You said you'll be here when if i ever

needed you, but now that i need you, where are you ? Sigh.....

I feel that i'm slowly fading away once again. FML i hate me ttm.

I hate feeling so vulnerable, so helpless, so weak. I don't know

how to get to you, everytime i share with you about how i really

feel deep down inside, you seem so nonchalent and replies w

short answers. I really don't know what're you thinking of. I

I went to the extend of writing my feelings through a book but

it doesn't work. I know you read with your heart, i'm happy

to hear that but don't you have anything to say at all ? D:

There’s nothing lonelier than being angry at

someone who’s indifferent to your anger.

Never gonna let you down.

Yesterday, met alvin at clementi and took bus 7 to *Scape to play

lan. Yeah, i know it probably sounds insane but hey, it wasn't my

idea. We played from 3pm - 7pm and took bus 7 to clementi bus

interchange to met Alex. Alvin headed home after that and Alex

suggested that we go play lan @ cityvibe. So we went and played

for 1.5 hr, after that, Alex wanted to play lan the whole night so

I was fine with it. We went to one of a lan near boon lay makret.

Played from 11pm++ to 4am++ and headed for breakfast before

going back to play from about 5am to 9am and from 10am+ to

2am+. LOL had fun with alex at the lan. :) We took 99 back

home and Alex missed his stop cus both of us were sleeping and

when we got up, we had already reached clementi bus inter.

Jeremy came to my house at about 4pm++ while Ernest came

at 5pm+. We played badminton, 4v4. Jeremy and my cousin

versus Ernest and I. Well, we lost by a set but who cares ~ Uhm

ernest's in my house now, playing blackshot. He'll be staying

over tonight.

I was looking at my past blog entries during the June holidays and

suddenly, alot of memories came gushing back to my mind. I don't

know what i should say... ....Sometimes, the happiest memories are

the saddest because you don't know if there'll still be more of it,

maybe you have lived to see those happy memories that will

never happen in life again.

BROTHERSFORLIFE.

Fuck the whole universe.

I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. I’m tired of missing things. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of remembering. I’m tired of wishing I could start all over. I’m tired of not being able to just let go. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of needing help. I’m tired of always wondering when God is finally going to let me be happy. Most of all, I just I’m just tired of being tired.

Hysteria.

At some point, you have to realize that some people doesn’t care
and maybe you’re missing out on someone who does.
----
Sometimes I feel extremely disconnected. Like I don’t fit in this
world. I feel like I was born at the wrong time and I just don’t belong.
----
Always remember that anyone who can touch you can hurt or heal
you. And anyone who can reach you can love or leave you.
---
And i think that one of the worst feeling is to be forgotten by someone
you never forget.