I know the defination of love, because of you.

HI. Wanted to chiong maple today but i couldn't cus i was busy.

Koksiang came over to my house at 3pm, played maple for

awhile and Zulfadhli came. Had lunch in my house and left at

6pm for bowling @ aloha. Played 2 games, it was fun. Left @

8.30pm and headed home. Koksiang and Zulfadhli just left.

I'mma go chiong my maple now, so bye. I'm happy i didn't

spend the whole day playing maple. That's like so lifeless. /:

The hardest part is not being able to erase the memories.

Went to play bowling with Alex and Benedict after schl & went

home after that. Well, it's saturday tmrw. No schl ftw (Y)

I'm having mixed emotions now. I can't even exaplain why i'm

feeling like this, again. I had difficulty breathing yesterday

while i was sleeping, i wished i stopped breathing. Seriously.

I'm so lost right now. Trying to find the reason for living.............

You might see me as a cheerful person but deep inside i'm

not. Deep inside me, is a person who's dissapointed, hurt and

afraid to open up. I'm pathetic but i don't need your

comments.

Close your eyes and just forget about everything.

I love thursdays, lessons are very slacky. Skipped training with

Alex today, we went home after school. I had a 1 hour nap just now.

I feel very refreshed and energetic . It's friday tmrw, how quick

time flies. A week is almost over.

The reason why i don't always open up to people is because they

always leave me in the end. And i don't wanna get hurt anymore.

Friends are people who will not forsake you.

Where you are is where i'll be.

Went to sungei buloh for a science educational trip. I like how quiet

and peaceful it can be and just listening to the birds chirp really made

my mind light and just putting aside everything and just close my

eyes. I really love nature and to be alone, sometimes. But being alone

has it pros and cons.

I want nothing more than to curl beneath the blanket,

close my eyes and die.

It was raining heavily today when i woke up, i was hoping that it'd

flood the whole of Singapore so that i won't have to go to school.

I was obviously having some wild imaginations, to make myself

a little more happier. Life has been meaningless for me lately.....

I really need a break from all this shit hole. I just want to run

away from this place. Somewhere far so nobody can find me and

just be alone and let me have some peace and probably just let me

reflect on my own life. I feel so tired, mentally and physically. I

feel so fucked up. I wish life was too busy to even make me stop

and think. I hope i'll never wake up after today, seriously.

Sometimes , when you do too much , everything will be in

vain eventually. So this has taught me not to bother about

it rather, so that it will not hurt so much .

Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly.

What's the point in life since everything comes to an end sooner of later ?

I don't want to do anything. I just want to sleep forever.

If loving you was wrong then i don't wanna be right.

School was alright today but had whole class had to stay back after

school to write a 500 words essay why we were misbehaving in

class for the past few weeks. Had lunch with alex @ the kfc where

i had with benedict for dinner yesterday. Went to alex's house to

exchange laptop and mapled at his house till 4pm. Headed home

after that and have been playing maple ever since till now. {:

Count on me.

School was fine today, had home economic test. Went for c'boys training

with Alex and Benedict at 3pm. The first 1/2hr of training was hell. /:

Played match with c'boys after that. Training ended at 6pm and took 187

with Alex and Benedict and alighted near Alex's house. Headed to KFC

@ Jurong East Swimming Complex w/o Alex first cus he said he wanted

to go home to take some cash. Well, Alex didn't came in the end cus he

got no money plus his mom cooked already. Took 99 home after that.

You'll be my Juliet and I'll be your Romeo.

Nothing much today, school ended at 12.30pm today and went

to westbowl @ clementi with Benedict, JonathanT, JonathanC

and Eugene. Alex, Cheewee, Ernest and Wangjun came @ 3pm+

and played a game of bowling. Went to aunt house with Alex,

JonathanC and Benedict without the rest. Cooked some foods

that were not fully cooked, resulting in a stomach ache. LOL

they left at about 7pm. Alex's still with me BUT he's going home

soon. Ok alex's rushing me, byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. /:

OH BTW. Alex and Benedict has a stomach ache. LOL hahah.

Words cannot describe how i feel right now.

I suddenly feel this emptiness in my heart, i don't know why. What am

i missing ? Sigh, i hate it whenever im feeling empty inside without

knowing the reason for it. Listening to songs now, gonna sleep soon.

School was fine but slept in class because i was very tired. Had lunch

at yuhua mac with Alex, Benedict, Jonathan, Cheewee and Euegene.

Left @ 2pm+ without Jonathan and headed for bukit timah lan. We

played for about 2.5 hours. While on the bus to westmall, Benedict

and Eugene was quarrelling. Damn hilarious, Alex and I kept laughing

non stop. Fcuk sia, i don't wanna wake up so early tmrw. I hate schl.

I hate school.

Brrrrr, i'm very cold now ! Woke up at 8am today, mapled till 10am+ and

went to prepare before heading to meet grace and chase. Met them near

clementi mrt interchange and took train to vivo with peiqi to meet jh, gary,

rickmond, yeli and a few others. Played in the heavy rain, i was shivering

like nobody's buisness. Went down to the sea and swam around and we

went to bathe @ 4pm. Took monorail back to vivo and had our lunch/dinner

settled at KFC and went home after that. Fcuk, i don't wanna go school

tmrw. I hope i'll get sick from playing under the heavy rain today ! :D

Take me into your darkest moments.

School was fine yesterday, went to bukit timah lan with Alex, Benedict,

Jonathan.T and Eugene. Played for about 3 hours and had our lunch

at a shop that sells chicken rice. Went home after that and slept from

4pm till 9:30pm. Woke up and played maple till 7am this morning and

slept from 7am till 10:30am. Might be going to lan with Benedict and

Eugene later. I'm so hungry now ! Argh, lol i wanna order mac. LOL

Hey Alex , all the best for your tournament yo . Hahah (:

I have just finished reading all the past posts that i've blogged. The way

how im posting now is really different compared to last time. I guess cus

im more matured now. Hahah, go take a look at my past posts if you dont

believe me. It's like i'm slowly changing without realising it. I believe

same goes for everyone else. Nothing stays the same forever. How sad.

I dreamt a dream.

I had a nightmare today and it was kinda freaky, a very long nightmare.

And i was almost late for school because of the nightmare i had, i didn't

dare woke up because i was afraid that my nightmare would come true.

School was alright today, except someone made me lose my 10marks

for home economics. Zzz when you told me the pages of hmwk for H.E

i just recomfirmed by checking with my book and you said i didn't

trust you. So i didn't refer to my book for the pages and you made me

lose 10marks. Yeah i shouldn't have trusted you. How can you make

it up ? Wtf. After school, i met Shaoming, Arynna, Yingning, Peimian

Keith and Yuanlong. Bought a cake at bengawan solo and we headed

to nanhua. Waited all the way till 5pm for Mdm Ong to arrived. Cut

the cake, took some pictures and left. LOL keith damn funny. I miss

primary school. Tmrw's friday, gonna chiong maple. Hope to be level

65 by tmrw. Sian, don't feel like going to school tmrw wtf. Im tired /:

I would live forever, but not like this.

Often in life, people tend to take things for granted until the day the

person or thing is gone. You know the feeling of caring for someone

alot yet it doesn't return the care to you ? It sucks doesn't it. Well,

everyone loves to be cared by others. Sometimes, i feel that you alr

have enough friends around you, and that you don't need me in your

life. If that's the case then tell me, so i will not interfere in your

life. I'm a human, i have feelings too. Don't kick me around like a

fucking ball please. I treasure you as a friend but if you don't then i

guess it's okay, i'll just accept the fact that you don't need me in

your life. I hope im just being paranoid, :) oh & benedict, cheer up.

Today went out with Benedict, Huixin, Jasmine and Jiali.C after

school. Headed to LJS @ imm for lunch and bought a 'dog chain'

because Jasmine said that we were a clique and that we all must

have that. LOL ok so im wearing a 'dog chain' now, how cool ! :D

Hahah, went for bus rounding after that with them. Danced in the

bus. Lmfao, then went to Huixin's house to play volleyball. Went

home at 6pm, i'm beat now. Going to Old Ford Factory tmrw with

my class and 2C. Hope it'll be fun and interesting. (: Alright, bye.

Fantasy vs Reality

I came down with a fever and a sore throat yesterday when i got

back from school @ 12pm. It was damn uncomfortable sia, had a

terrible headache and cough too. My mom came back at around

11pm and gave me medicine. Felt better today and recovered by

noon. Sigh, didn't go for Jiali's birthday celebration today, can't

believe i missed all the fun. LOL went to church instead. Had my

dinner with parents at Pariss (Y) then headed back home after

that. Recieved a bad news from Jonathan.C today. Not telling. /:

Alex, hope you're alright. Cheer up k, i'll always be there for you.

Yes, no matter what. (; I promise you.

Just give me a break cus i can't breathe.

Alot of things have been happening lately and im about to lose my mind.

I'm so confused and frustrated. Wouldn't life be better if i was a

robot ? So i wouldn't give a fuck about life. Or would it be better if i was

dead. Life sucks. Went to westmall with Benedict, Jiali, Huixin, Jasmine,

Jiawei and Yanjun after school. Had our lunch at koufu when Huixin

suddenly talked in a very squeaky voice. Jasmine followed too. LOL i

joined in too, had a good laugh at ourselves. Went to the open area

below Yanjun's house to play volleyball with Benedict, Jiawei, Jiali

and Yanjun. Huixin and Jasmine couldn't join us cus of their tuition.

I laughed alot while we were playing volleyball, hahah ! Took 187 home

with Jiali and Jiawei while Benedict took another bus home. I'm so

tired....i don't feel like going to school tmrw. What should i do ? Sigh.

Jiali.H if you want to end this friendship then i've got nothing to say.

I hate being paranoid, i hate caring about life. But i just can't stop.

BROTHER. I WON'T FORSAKE YOU ONE, BROTHERS FOREVER.

Forgive me.

Hi, im currently at Jonathan's house now with Jiali. Hm school was fine.

Went to pepperlunch after school with Jiali and Eugene and headed to

west coast park. Suddenly had a flashback of the past again, i used to be

so immature. I'm sorry. Saw Jeffery there, so the 4 of us played tgt.

Well Jiali didn't really played lah, she wasn't really in the mood to play

i guess. Left at 6pm and here i am, at Jonathan's house. I'm a sadist.
Somehow, i think you dislike me. But what can i do ? I just don't want

you to cease the friendship with that person because you want to help

me ! Thanks for your good intentions but...you two are so close. I don't

want to see you two stop talking to each other. Eh brothers leh, right?

\m/

It's not like i wanted all these.

Tell me why, you're always the first and last thing on my mind.
Why ? I always ask myself, the only reason i seem to get is that

i am in love with you already. I hope it isn't true. It's not like i

wanted all this okay. Fuck it, you had to come into my life didn't

you. Sigh, love is so complicated. No one would never know

how i really feel. I'm so surprised that i could even fall in love

with you unknowingly. This is the first time i ever felt this way.

I have friendship issues too, fantastic. What is this man, tell me.

Would you all stop quarreling please. Aren't you all tired ? All

this hatred and bickering. Do you all love what you all are doing ?

Because of this, people that were once close to us seems so far

apart. Will the both of you just forgive each other ? People aren't

made perfectly so it's normal that people make mistakes right ?

Please, just stop all this. I'm very tired already, im begging you.

Obsessed.

It’s funny how hello is always accompied with goodbye. It’s funny how good memories can start to make you cry. It’s funny how forever never seems to really last. It’s funny how much you’d lose if you forgot about your past. It’s funny how friends can leave you when you’re down. It’s funny how when you need someone, they’re never around. It’s funny how people change and think they’re so much better. It’s funny how many lies can be packed in one ‘love letter’. It’s funny how people can forgive, even though they can’t forget. It’s funny how one night can contain so much regret. It’s funny how ironic life turns out to be. But, the funniest part of all is that none of this really seems funny to me.

Went to the void deck below stacey's house after school with kor, benedict,

yingkai, yixin and stacey. Headed to lot 1 after that, bought movie tickets

for Eclipse @ 2:15pm. Decided to have our lunch settled at KFC. The movie

wasn't that bad. Movie ended at 4pm+ and we went around lot 1 trying to

find a suitable place to take group photos. In the end, we went to the baby's

changing room. LOL took serval group photos and headed home after that.

No school this monday (Y) er i'm freaking bothered by something. Sigh D':

I wished you knew my feelings for you ****.

Those memories came back again.

Agree with the quote above ? It sucks doesn't it. Today was a short

day for me. Went home straight after school cus yingkai, stacey and
i didn't wanted to go for recreational vball training. Benedict wasn't
really in the mood to go out either so we all went home. Damn it, i

haven't completed my history and maths hmwk. I had my nap in the

afternoon so i'll probably do it later. Might be going lot 1 to catch

Eclipse and will go study after that with benedict, yingkai, alex and

stacey. I'm feeling so vexed now, i don't know what to do. WTH

just now i blogged suddenly disconnected. Now i can't recall what i

was writing just now. I know it was something from my heart. /:

(Today after school, I saw you on the same bus as me (187). I looked

at you and you looked at me too. When i looked into your eyes, it

was as if you were trying to tell me something. But i didn't dared

to pin high hopes cus i didn't want to disappoint myself. When i

looked at you, all those feelings came back again and i suddenly

remembered the times we had together, even though it's not all

happy memories but i was still smiling. I saw you looking back

at me a few times... Your eyes looked so innocent. I regretted

letting you go the other time cus my heart's still with you. But

i guessed you'd be happier with me gone so it was fine with me.

I still can't get over you. I love you alot ******, )